Royal Melbourne Tennis Club

On the weekend of the Winter Solstice a ridiculous amount of court time was devoted to moribund bodies whose associated brains showed no shame or sense of the ridiculous in entering competitions under the description “Masters” (sic). The realism of this view was made apparent by the knee-bandaged but otherwise serviceable body of Venerable Genuine Master Julian Snow being involved in two almost total whitewashes of opponents Hamer & Parker and Hince & Bull in order to reach the final of the Over 40s which will be played on 11th July. Ted Cockram’s cameo part in this left him with energy to carry the septuagenarian Guest to a 6/4 victory over the septuagenarians Garnett & Wheeler in the over 60s in the first set before realism or weariness or brain switch off allowed the older pair to storm through 6/1 6/2. The latter pair, having had to play out a second set 6/4 against Hewson & Guest in the over 70s final (sic) were understandably showing signs of weariness as they succumbed to Richardson & Hurburgh in the over 60s final only an hour later on Sunday morning 4 and 2. The over 50s, a sort of nondescript age where it would have been good to see some female entrants to distract attention from the first signs of major decay setting in, was won by Hurburgh and Hamer against Hince and Bull 4 and 4 after an interesting preliminary on the Saturday when Barker & Parker were only beaten 0/6, 6/2. 6/3. Some amazing shots were pulled off in all age groups, sufficient to fill memory and more than fill sports commentary for the few decades left to the shot makers, and not all the better than half a yard chases were made with back spin off penthouses any more that those at the hazard end depended on wish-fulfilling eyesight.

Information about this tournament would not be complete without noting that the principal rapporteur was the tournament organiser who reports that the tournament organisation was a brilliant success, even including the catering which the non-cooking organiser managed economically so that even the Coles house-brand chocolate chip biscuits were finished once the President’s attention had been drawn to them.  This account escaped interpolations from the V-P and is therefore entirely balanced and accurate.